I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
God, I missed his penis.
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