I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
