Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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