Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
