Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
