And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
