It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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