i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
