Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
