I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
