yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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