allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
