eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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