If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize