Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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