Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
