His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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