Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
