it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
