He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
