She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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