Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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