i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
