I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
