If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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