Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
