I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
