I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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