If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
