I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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