the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
