if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
