matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
