I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
