so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
