life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
