just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We need to rekindle our bromance
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
