there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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