i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
