tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
