Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
