There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize