Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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