Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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