Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
