I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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