She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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