I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
