New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
