god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
