I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
