Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
