Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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