i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
