I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You have to summon your inner elephant
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
