strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
