Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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