You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Congratulations! We have a period
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