I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
