so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
