I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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