so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
