Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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