I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We're facebook friends in real life
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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