can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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