Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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