He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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