I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
