Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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