ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
