Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
