Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
