M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
we're so committed to being not committed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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