it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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