she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
