i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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