It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
