Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
