In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
