This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
