Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
