i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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