He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
