My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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